All I Want for Christmas, Chapter 18

Previously: Chapter 17 [A]

I have not forgotten about this one!

Rated: U.

* * * * *

Friday, 25 December 2009

She was standing below the window, waiting. She had thrown a couple of small stones at the window already, but to no avail. She had sent a text saying Standing under your window but had received no answer. The house was mostly dark and it was after midnight, so she couldn’t think of anything else to do but wait.

A light came on in the hallway and the front door opened. A barefoot, sleepy-looking Arthur Carlin, wearing sweat pants and a ‘World’s Best Dad’ t-shirt, appeared in the doorway.


“Hi, Mr C.” She sheepishly walked over to the front porch and stood on the bottom step.

“It’s late.”

“I know. I’m sorry if I woke you. I was just looking for Spencer.”

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around himself, bouncing on his heels a little. “We don’t put her out in the front yard at night, you know,” he joked.

“I, uh, was throwing rocks at her window,” she admitted.

“Ahhh. Of course you were.”

She shrugged at him. In a day of almost entirely inexcusable behaviour, she didn’t have a defence for this particular infraction any more than she had for any of the others.

“Well, I’d invite you in, Ashley, but it would be pointless. She’s not here.”

“Oh.” That thought hadn’t occurred to her. “Do you know -”

“She was heading over to your place. She left about an hour ago.” He yawned and scratched under his arm.

She sighed and looked up at him. “You know, I’m really sorry for everything, Mr C. You took me in and gave me all those great presents and made that awesome meal and you guys were all so wonderful to me and everything and I’ve been a complete ass. I really didn’t meant to spoil everyone’s Christmas. Especially not when it should have been all about Glen and Chelsea’s baby and I went and made it all about me. Like always,” she added bitterly.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t spoil anything at all.” There was no rancour in his voice and his eyes were as kindly as ever. “It was definitely ones the most eventful Christmases I can remember, though. It’s hardly every day that you get told you’re going to be a grandfather and that your daughter’s gay.”

Ashley looked away in embarrassment. “Yeah, look, about that..”

Arthur held up a hand to stop her. “It’s really not that big of a deal, Ashley. You were part of our family already. And I think most of us had just kind of assumed that you two were,” he paused as he looked for the right words, “you know, together in that way already. Now, it’s just a little more official.”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s kind of a big deal to me,” she muttered.

He laughed at her fondly. “Are you okay?”

“With what bit?” She felt despondent. She was confused by everything.

“All of it.”

“Yes and no. I mean, I know I want to be with Spencer, but I don’t know if that means -” She stopped. “What I’m trying to say is, I really don’t know how I go about -” She stopped again. Despite how much she liked Arthur, she felt awkward saying too much about how overwhelming she found her feelings for his daughter. Plus, she didn’t want to embarrass him by over-sharing. She shrugged. “I guess I’m just having a hard time working out how I feel and dealing with it.”

“Look, all I can tell you is that you need to face that part head on with Spencer herself.”

“Yeah, I know. Running away maybe wasn’t the greatest idea.”

“No, it wasn’t.” He quietly shut the still-open door behind himself and walked down the front steps to stand next to her. “You’re a good person, Ashley, and I can tell that you love Spencer very much -”

“I do!”

“I know that. And she loves you, too. We all do.” He pulled Ashley into a hug, resting his cheek against the top of her head. She resisted it awkwardly at first, but felt herself letting her arms slip around Arthur’s waist. “No matter what happens between you two, I want you to know that this will always be your home and you’ll always be welcome here.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her far enough away that he could look into her eyes. “And if I does work out, then I couldn’t be happier that my daughter has found someone who loves her and takes care of her. All a father can ask for his children is that they’re happy. And you make my little girl happy.”

“Yeah, well, not right at the moment.”

He shook his head at her. “You can fix that. I have faith in you.”

“How, though? How can I fix it?” She didn’t understand why everyone seemed to know about her relationship with Spencer before she did and why they all seemed to believe that she was capable of making it right when she had no idea where to even begin.

“Ah, now that’s just one of those lessons you’ll have to learn for yourself the hard way.”

“Thanks.” It was hardly the most illuminating advice she’d ever received, but she knew that it was at least honest.

“You’re welcome.” He winked down at her and started to turn her back towards the street. “Now, go home and take care of my little girl.”

Ashley couldn’t prevent a startled laugh from escaping. She was pretty sure that the mental image that she now had of how she’d like to ‘take care’ of Spencer was not the one that Arthur had intended.

“I will totally do that, Mr C.” She turned away fully and started walking back to her car. She’d only taken a few steps when she spun around again and bolted back to him. Throwing her arms around him, she gave him a quick hug. “Thanks, Mr C. This means a lot, you know.” She stepped back and grinned at him. “You’re a pretty cool guy. For a dad.”

He threw his head back and laughed. She could still hear his laughter as he disappeared back inside the house.

* * *

Their apartment was in complete darkness as she let herself in silently. There were no lights on and no sound from within that she could make out. Spencer’s car had been in its usual space in the underground parking lot, though, so Ashley already knew that the blonde was there somewhere. She let her eyes adjust to the gloom and scanned the open living area. A set of car keys were on the kitchen island.

Ashley slipped out of her shoes and went over to the door to Spencer’s bedroom. Knocking on it lightly, she pushed the door open and popped her head inside the room. There was no sign of Spencer. She repeated the same process with her own bedroom (even knocking on the door, just in case). Again, there was nothing. It might have been a large apartment, but it didn’t have that many rooms. The upstairs guest bedroom yielded no clues, which left only one possible location. Padding back down the stairs, Ashley stopped in front of the door to the music room. She hadn’t noticed it when she first entered the apartment, but there was a faint glow seeping out from beneath the door that indicated a computer screen was illuminated.

Shaking her head, she thought about what she was going to say. Rather than knocking, she quietly pushed the door open. Spencer was lying on the small couch, her eyes shut, her hands clasped together over her ribcage and a pair of Ashley’s most expensive noise-cancelling headphones over her ears. Ashley felt her breath catch at the sight of the blonde. That she could possibly have walked away from something so perfect, someone so beautiful, now seemed like complete and utter madness. In the moonlight, Spencer Carlin looked like a goddess. In any light, Spencer Carlin looked like a goddess. Her skin was so smooth and Ashley already knew how soft yet responsive it felt against her fingertips. She let her gaze wander down and over the blonde’s torso down to her legs. Spencer was wearing makeshift PJs comprising one of Ashley’s old t-shirts and a pair of board shorts, which afforded Ashley the chance to stare at the girl’s tanned legs.

“You not going to say hello?”

Ashley’s head shot back up. Spencer’s eyes were still closed, but a small smile was playing at the corners of her mouth. She had obviously known that she was being watched.

“Hi.” Ashley felt about two inches tall.

“I hope you don’t mind me coming in here. I was in the mood for something a little classical.” Spencer removed the headphones completely and Ashley could just make out the winter music she had written for Spencer.

“Um, no, I don’t mind.” She didn’t understand why Spencer wasn’t screaming and shouting at her, but she definitely didn’t mind the blonde using any of her equipment. “It’s your room, too.”

“Well, I just wanted to make sure that you got home okay.” Spencer sat up and reached down to the low table next to her to turn the laptop off. “And you obviously did, so I’m going to bed.”

Ashley watched in stunned disbelief as Spencer calmly stood up and walked out of the room.

“Night, Ash,” she murmured on her way past.

Ashley was still silent and unmoving as she heard Spencer’s bedroom door click quietly shut. Something was very wrong. The behaviour she had just witnessed hardly seemed appropriate to the situation. Where was the talking, the shouting, the hurt and offended look? Granted, she wasn’t that familiar with the whole girlfriend thing, but she’d had enough fights in her lifetime to know how they were supposed to go. Spencer hadn’t even given her the cold shoulder, which had been a potential outcome that she had also considered. She had just treated her as if nothing had happened.

Was that what Spencer wanted? To roll back a few weeks to when they were just friends? Had she pushed her that far?

She forced herself to move, to go to Spencer’s bedroom door.

“Hey, Spencer,” she called out.


“Can I come in?”


Ashley opened the door hesitantly. She was still wary that Spencer was too calm and that the wrong move might cause all hell to break loose. She slipped inside the room but didn’t move towards the bed where there blonde was lying.

“I was thinking maybe we could talk,” she began.

“Well, it’s kinda late and it’s been a pretty long and full day.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“And we’ve probably said enough to each other already today anyway,” Spencer added. There it was: the barbed comment in a clipped tone that Ashley had been expecting. Spencer’s face, however, remained calm, even friendly.

“Yeah, see, I’ve been a complete fool.”

“Yes, you have.”

“Thanks.” She attempted a self-deprecating smile to go along with her tone of contrition. “Well, I freaked. A few times.” She sighed. “And you deserve better than that. We deserve better than that.”

“I’m not disagreeing.”

“And I’m really, really sorry for everything. Well, not everything,” she amended quickly. “Not the good bits. Not the whole you-and-me-together bits. Just the bits where I was being an ass.” She slumped against the wall behind her. “I’m sorry for ruining your day and making you feel in any way like you’re not everything that I want. Because you are. That’s exactly what you are. You are everything I’ve ever needed. You always were, even before I knew that what I really needed. You’re smart and pretty and you’re my best friend and you make me a better person just by knowing you. I really love you, Spence. I just… I love you.”

Spencer had remained impassive during her sudden outburst. Her only reaction had been to sit up and state at Ashley with that head-tilted, half-smile look she often had. She waited a couple of seconds, obviously waiting to see if Ashley was finished, before replying, “Apology accepted.”

Ashley paused, looking to her to continue, but Spencer made no move to add anything. “So…”

“So, again, thanks for the apology.” Spencer smiled politely but somewhat dismissively. “But, you know, it’s after 2am and I just want to sleep, now that I know you’re not out God-knows-where doing something stupid.”

“Oh.” Ashley was even more confused. Spencer now wanted rid of her? Like, permanently? Or just right that moment? As a friend? As a potential girlfriend? As what? “I sent you a text saying I was outside the window, but I meant the window at your parents’,” she added, just to try to prolong the conversation.

“I figured. That’s why I waited for you to get home safely.”

“But you didn’t reply.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow, Ash.” It was softly spoken, but it was firm.

“Okay.” She didn’t want to leave, but Spencer clearly didn’t want her to stay, so she shuffled to the open doorway reluctantly.

“Night, Ash.”

“Yeah. G’night, Spence.”

Now what?


  1. tee452
    Posted 24 May 2011 at 10.54pm | Permalink

    Poor Ash, hahaha. She doesn’t stand a chance. Spencer has her number all the way.

    Always love this one, Dev. Thanks.

  2. Clom
    Posted 25 May 2011 at 2.02am | Permalink

    Moron. Climb into bed with her and cuddle.

  3. iocaste
    Posted 25 May 2011 at 11.52am | Permalink

    Ahhh sweet delicious torture! Loved it!

  4. spikkels8
    Posted 25 May 2011 at 12.31pm | Permalink

    yeah… idiot. Cuddles are always good.

  5. spikkels8
    Posted 25 May 2011 at 12.32pm | Permalink

    just to clarify… Ashley’s the idiot. After re-reading my comment,sounded like I was calling Clom an idiot. Sorry. :-)

  6. Lurker
    Posted 26 May 2011 at 4.21am | Permalink

    Coming out of hiding (where I have been for years now) to say that I agree with the rest. Ashley needs to climb in that bed and cuddle, or, you know, something a little more interesting than cuddling, which can also be performed in a bed. Just saying…

  7. Posted 30 May 2011 at 5.34am | Permalink

    So happy that you are finishing this one up :) :)

  8. cosmic
    Posted 1 June 2011 at 7.18pm | Permalink

    Egad Spencer is evil. Can’t say that Ashley doesn’t deserve it. hehe

  9. lol
    Posted 24 June 2011 at 1.26pm | Permalink

    Please update :(

  10. Stacey
    Posted 4 October 2011 at 2.16pm | Permalink

    K so I just reread this entire fix… Forgetting that it wasn’t completed… Now I’m dying again!!!! Please update!

  11. Posted 10 October 2011 at 4.53am | Permalink

    i think that Ashley is a bit of an ass, but only because Spencer always seems to push her too far before she’s ready. And atleast she’s trying, Spencer should cut her some slack, while Ashley tries to figure out exactly what she wants.

  12. sunsetstrip
    Posted 8 November 2011 at 3.51am | Permalink

    All I Want For Christmas in 2011 is this fic to be finished. :)

  13. dev0347
    Posted 9 November 2011 at 4.47pm | Permalink

    I will finish this. Honest.

  14. tongue-tied
    Posted 13 May 2012 at 11.36am | Permalink

    Come on dev! This fic is too awesome to not finish! :D may even start a campaign to collect people who want this finished hehe :3 you’re a very talented writer, don’t stop now! x

  15. Tootsies
    Posted 28 June 2012 at 6.37pm | Permalink

    Another unfinished fic I read. This is ridiculous. I seriously need to check them first before I click *facepalm*.

    Anyway LOL at Ashley for sending mixed-signals, but I think it’s very sweet that she wanted their first time to be special. She wanted it to be all slow and romantic, and Spencer wanted a quickie 1st. Yes she has a say in it, but come on seriously a quickie over the real thing? She said she’s trying to understand, but I don’t think she really did. Can’t believe she went apshit about it. She should just warn her not to do it again. Yours are ‘heat of the moment’ Spence! Stop being pushy.

    And I’m starting to see a pattern here with Spencer’s character. She’s always rude in most of the fics that I’ve read (I haven’t read ALL tho), and kinda selfish. Hmmm. Whatever tho. I still appreciate yous people time on writing these fics, and I hope you’re able to finish the incomplete ones, including this.

  16. tongue-tied
    Posted 19 August 2012 at 12.58am | Permalink

    Dev :( i am now unhappy all over again from the depression of this fic :( i reread it hoping that ash would be less frightened and spence would be more understanding this time around, but they’re still fighting :( make us better devly, please :(

  17. Lyn
    Posted 17 December 2012 at 6.42pm | Permalink

    Re-reading this makes me wanna see this story finished again! This is sooooo good, it just deserves an ending, pretty please?!

  18. Canuck
    Posted 28 December 2012 at 6.54am | Permalink

    I completely agree! This is one of my favourites and I’ve been dying for an update for almost two years.

  19. Cat
    Posted 14 January 2013 at 2.21am | Permalink

    Update, UPDATE!

  20. caissa
    Posted 5 February 2013 at 7.39am | Permalink


    I first thought I wouldn’t like this fic, it had dragged quite longer than I thought but its good as always, i just hope to see an update soon, it doesn’t really matter if the next chapter is the end for as long as there is a “NSFW” note… LOL

  21. sam
    Posted 8 May 2013 at 7.51am | Permalink

    this is my favorite fic of all time! please make more chapters and updates! :))))

  22. Sadie14
    Posted 15 May 2013 at 4.53pm | Permalink

    I wish this fic would be finish.. :(

  23. Lyn
    Posted 11 June 2013 at 10.41am | Permalink

    Okay, so I’ve been re-reading a lot on this site lately, and I gotta say, as much as I love the new stories, I’d really really love for the still unfinished stories to be completed. This one, and CUFA especially. Oh, and I quote Dev: “[i]I will finish this. Honest.[/i]” So, you’ve made a promise, don’t let us down;)

  24. Santa
    Posted 24 December 2013 at 9.31pm | Permalink

    I’ll I want for Christmas is to read this as a completed version. My favorite fic and not updated in so long.

  25. Duncan
    Posted 25 January 2014 at 5.42am | Permalink

    So as it is the beginning of 2014, I reread this fic for about the hundredth time… Not an exaggeration… And I have a New Years resolution…

    GET DEV TO FINISH THIS FIC!!!! I don’t care if I have to comment every day begging and pleading and bribing u to complete this. I will do it! I promise I will. (Everyday aside from the few days I will be away from all cell service and internet :(. But when I come back I will start again. And again. And again. I will do this on all of the fics on this site if I have to lol. Please. Please please please start updating the unfinished. I love the new stuff too but I would really love to have the ones I have been invested in for years to get finished.

    Again much love u r absolutely amazing and I will be heading to CUFA now lol


  26. keepxmexawake
    Posted 20 September 2014 at 3.39am | Permalink

    I’ve been sick so I’ve rereading stories on your site. I forgot that this one was unfinished and when I got to the last chapter I was so distraught! Noooooo!!! I’m sure I’m not the only one who would love to read the ending. Since Christmas is just around the corner I thought I’d ask if there was still a chance?

    I also wanted to thank you and Clom for being so generous with sharing your stories!

  27. Devje
    Posted 20 September 2014 at 12.42pm | Permalink

    I gotta say that I think this needs completely rewritten from about Ch11 onwards, so it would be a huge job, but, maybe, one day…

  28. keepxmexawake
    Posted 20 September 2014 at 8.04pm | Permalink

    A huge job huh? Are you up for the challenge?? ;) I believe in you!

    P.S. why do you think it needs rewriting?

  29. Jade Stone
    Posted 27 September 2014 at 10.18pm | Permalink

    This is an amazing story just the way it is, so why would you want to re-write perfection? I hope you can just finish writing this fic starting with Chapter 19…PLEASE!!!

  30. Posted 24 October 2014 at 4.00am | Permalink

    NOOO!! I didn’t check to see that it was unfinished. Why did I just torture myself, I know its been a long time but Ashley and Spencer are still one of the best romances on TV. I can’t help it I want more and you and Clom are so good at writing them.

  31. Je t'aime
    Posted 3 December 2014 at 4.46am | Permalink

    Since Christmas is right around the corner I figured I should read this. Didn’t realize it was incomplete until the last chapter and now I’m the biggest Scrooge ever! Again, such an awesome story and I hope that by some Christmas miracle (yes the pun was completely necessary) you get around to it! Pretty please?

  32. SarcasticAF
    Posted 20 April 2015 at 6.16pm | Permalink

    Oh my fucking god, you cannot be serious, you’ve gotta be kidding me!
    I have to know what happens next, I need them to have sex, like come on man!
    Please update this amazing story, your writing is simply lovely!
    You’re an amazing writer! :-)

  33. Devje
    Posted 22 April 2015 at 12.23pm | Permalink

    I said already that I really needed to rethink and rewrite this one because I don’t like where it went. I gave into the classic fanfic writer’s mistake of publishing a chapter just to public something and it took me down a blind alley that I can’t write my way back out of. But I want to. I so want to.

  34. silverysleds
    Posted 4 November 2015 at 8.20am | Permalink

    Please update this!! Or has the ship completely sailed..? It’s one of my favourites and so close to being complete!!

  35. Joker
    Posted 17 January 2016 at 8.47am | Permalink

    Was just wondering if you were going to finish the story

  36. Long-time Lurker
    Posted 21 October 2016 at 9.06pm | Permalink

    All I want for Xmas… ;)

  37. keepxmexawake
    Posted 14 December 2016 at 4.38pm | Permalink

    Still wishing …

  38. Ash
    Posted 6 February 2017 at 3.21am | Permalink

    Damnit I thought this one was complete. It’s such a great story and i really wish you would come back and finish it especially since the last chapter has spashley in a bad place.

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