Let’s Get Married, Chapter 1

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

This is new.

Rated: U.

* * * * *

Chapter 1: Nice day for a white wedding

“This is so fucking stupid. I cannot believe just how fucking stupid this is. Why did I fucking let you talk me into this?” Ashley paced across the hotel room, rubbing her arms to try to calm herself.

“It’ll be fine, Ash,” her sister said. “It’ll be completely fine.”

“Fine? Are you f’nuts?”

Kyla spluttered with laughter. “F’nuts? You’ve been swearing like a sailor for an hour and now suddenly you decide to censor yourself?”

Ashley scowled at her sister and hitched her dress up. She couldn’t believe she had backed herself into such a corner. She sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bed. She plucked at a stray thread on the front of the wedding dress that she had bought the previous day.

“Tell me again that this is not the stupidest thing we have ever done.”

Kyla shuffled around the bed and threw her arm around her sister. She squeezed her reassuringly. “Babe, we’ve done many, many things that are a lot stupider than this. I can start naming them, if you want. How about the time you crashed the car and managed to persuade the cop that you took your eyes off the road because I was going into diabetic shock? Or the time that you threw up all over the principal during graduation? Or when we turned up at Christine’s ‘fortieth’ birthday party and passed out photocopies of her real birth certificate? I could go on, but it’s fair to say that we have done a lot of stupid things.”

Despite her anxiety, Ashley found herself chuckling. “The birth certificates were genius. I really thought she was going to kill us.”

Kyla nodded. “The look on her face was more than worth the forty bucks at Kinko’s.”

“Wasn’t it, though?”

Kyla hugged Ashley awkwardly and rubbed her arm. “Feel better?”

“A little bit.”

“Ready to go get married?”


“Good. Now, get your fat tush off this bed and let’s go to City Hall.”

* * *

She was bouncing nervously on her heels (which, if she remembered correctly, cost more than the dress), waiting for her bride to arrive. The City Clerk’s office was particularly busy that day and the wait for the chapel was over an hour, but they couldn’t exactly do anything without Spencer.

“Have you got the marriage licence?” Kyla asked.

“No, Spencer took it.” They had appeared in person the previous day, as New York state law dictated, and had paid for the licence and ceremony. It had cost sixty bucks in total. Sixty bucks to get legally married seemed like nothing. The optional extras, a photographer and a bouquet, had dwarfed that cost. “Have you got my driver’s licence?”

“Right here.” Kyla held up her clutch purse. “And I’ve got the rings too, before you ask.”

“God, I forgot all about them! What are they like?” She’d asked Kyla to get the rings while she and Spencer were at City Hall the day before.

“I decided that simple and traditional was probably best.” Kyla pulled out a small velvet pouch and removed one of the rings. It was a thin gold wedding band. “You’re the same ring size, so I doesn’t matter which is which.”

“Do you think she’s changed her mind?”

“Sit down, Ashley.” Kyla patted the couch next to her. “She’ll be here. She needs this more than you do.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s only just after two.”

Ashley leaned back on the couch and watched a young couple barely out of their teens approach the desk and hand over all their documents. They had a group of about a dozen people, obviously family, who were fussing around them. One of the older men straightened the boy’s tie and placed a hand on his shoulder. He smiled back wanly, but there was a slight sheen of sweat developing on his top lip.

His heavily pregnant soon-to-be-wife was looking equally as nervous, trying to answer the City Clerk employee’s questions on behalf of both of them as other family members attempted to talk over her. Wordlessly, the bride leaned over and cupped her hand to her fiancé’s cheek, rubbing her thumb across his meagre stubble. The beaming smile he gave her in return made Ashley think that maybe they had a chance at a future together.


Ashley’s head snapped up to find Spencer Carlin standing just to her left wearing a simple, full-length white dress. It wasn’t a wedding dress, exactly, but the blonde looked radiant in it all the same.

“You’re late,” Ashley stated.

“Couldn’t get a cab, so I took the subway.”

“The wait’s about an hour, so we should, you know.” She pointed to the desk.

As they presented their marriage licence and proof of ID to the clerk and answered all the appropriate questions, Ashley couldn’t help but sneak a few looks at her bride. Spencer was a gorgeous woman under any circumstances, but she’d worn her hair up for the ceremony and it gave her an added elegance. She had a beautiful neck — Ashley had never noticed that before — and her dress showed off her slim figure, accentuating her height.

Leaning her head back, she glanced down. Spencer Carlin had one fine-looking ass. She grinned to herself. If you had to get married, it might as well be to a hot one.

When they were done and the clerk had presented them with their ticket, they went back over to the couch and all sat down.

“I really appreciate this,” Spencer said.

“It’s no big deal.”

“No, it really is and I really appreciate it.”

“That French guy did it for Andie MacDowell in Green Card.”

“Gerard Depardieu. And he was the one getting the green card out of it. You’re Andie MacDowell and I’m Gerard.”

Ashley gave a disinterested shrug. “I’ve got a few million good reasons of my own.”

Ashley’s grandfather had been so disappointed in the ruinous lives of his own children (both had died young due to a combination of drink and drugs) that he had changed his will to specify that his sole remaining legal heir, Ashley, could not inherit until either the occasion of her marriage or her thirty-fifth birthday, whichever occurred first. He had wanted to be sure that she was grown up enough for the responsibility of his money. Ashley hadn’t been too bothered by the terms of the will — she and Kyla had inherited more than enough money already from their father — and had been quite willing to wait it out. She figured that she’d turn thirty-five, claim the money and split it with her sister. Kyla herself hadn’t even been named in the will because she was illegitimate and Grandpa Davies wouldn’t acknowledge her. He had been against sin in all its forms.

But her grandfather had had a blind spot. He had been unable to see that Christine Davies, his ex-daughter-in-law, was a scheming, conniving, gold-digging bitch, and he had named her as trustee. And then Ashley found out that, in the year since her grandfather had died, her mother had awarded herself an annual salary of $350,000 to fulfil her ‘duties’ as trustee, duties which seemed to involve Christine doing nothing at all whatsoever except cashing her cheque. She might neither need nor particularly want the money, but she hated her mother enough to want to deprive her of any of it.

The best part for Ashley was that there was no stipulation that she had to marry a man. The only condition was that she must be over the age of twenty-one at the time of her marriage. It amused her no end to think of her bigoted grandfather spinning in his grave because all of his cherished money was going to a lesbian. The fact that Christine didn’t approve either of what she referred to as her daughter’s ‘attention-seeking lifestyle’ was the fudge sauce, whipped cream and crushed walnuts on her chocolate sundae.

Spencer’s reason for getting married was much more prosaic: she was a Canadian citizen who was going through the naturalisation process. But she was self-employed, and had no family in the country and few savings, so her application was weak. Her immigration lawyer had advised her that getting married — to a man, of course — was her best bet for remaining in the country legally. A brief glance at her social networking history or past interviews she’d given, however, would be sufficient for anyone to work out that she was gay. If any marriage was declared invalid, she would be deported and prohibited from ever returning to the USA.

Entering into a gay marriage, an option only recently made available in New York state, would not confer any rights to remain in the country, but it would establish strong family and financial ties. Various extant legal filings over the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act were working their way through the New York state and federal courts and, quietly, deportation of same-sex spouses had been put in abeyance while a final legal decision was being considered.

Kyla had been the one to suggest that her sister and her friend could solve their separate problems via the simple expedient of marrying each other. The fact that they didn’t like each other didn’t seem to strike Kyla as being any sort of impediment — just, legal or otherwise.

“So,” Kyla said, looking between the two sullen brides and hoping to lighten the mood with a joke, “are you two planning on starting a family right away?”

Ashley scowled and Spencer just stared off into space.

* * *

They waited nearly ninety minutes before their number flashed on the screen. There wasn’t a lot of conversation during that time. The only time they spoke was when they went to the florist’s to pick up the cream-coloured tea roses they’d pre-ordered and they agreed that Spencer should hold the small bouquet. The rest of their time was mostly filled with long stretches of silence, broken only by Kyla reading out facts from some pamphlets she’d picked up at the counter.

Claire, the official who was to marry them, was a pleasant woman in her early fifties. She talked them briefly through how the ceremony would proceed. Ashley wasn’t sure if Claire was a pastor or just a licensed wedding person-type-thing. (Celebrant? was that the proper word?) They nodded and smiled at the appropriate times. They confirmed that they hadn’t written any vows of their own. Spencer explained that, although they’d been together on-and-off for nearly two years, Ashley’s proposal had been a shock. Spencer joked that she had wanted to marry within the week before Ashley could change her mind. It was a good lie, Ashley had to admit, which explained away their lack of both planning and guests.

As the ceremony got underway, Ashley tried to project an image of solemn happiness, which she figured was the appropriate demeanour for a bride. When they were told to link hands to state their vows, however, she was genuinely trembling. The magnitude of what she was doing suddenly hit her. She was committing a crime in order to spite her mother and to defraud the US Government. She was making a public affirmation — albeit only to five people, three of whom she did not know — that she was legally binding her life to that of someone with whom she wouldn’t voluntarily choose to go out for coffee. Her hands shook and her palms became clammy.

Spencer, on the other hand, looked serene. She gave her a small smile of encouragement and rubbed her thumbs over the backs of Ashley’s hands. From the way that Claire beamed at them, it was obviously taken to be normal bridal nerves. Meanwhile, the photographer snapped away the whole time, contributing to Ashley’s sense of unease.

As they exchanged rings, Ashley suddenly realised that they hadn’t covered the whole kissing-the-bride issue in their short pre-wedding discussion. She was mentally debating what the appropriate duration of lip-lock should be on the continuum between quick peck and full-on tongues when she heard Claire pronounce them married. Not really knowing what else to do, she looked down at their linked hands and then back up at Spencer. Thankfully, the blonde still seemed to have her wits about her and Ashley felt a hand stroke her cheek before her mouth was covered by Spencer’s.

She had been assuming that their kiss would be quite chaste, but Spencer surprised her by slowly dragging her lips across Ashley’s in a way that was unexpectedly sensuous. It was both soft and firm at the same time and really very intimate. When she did it a second time, Ashley felt herself leaning in, trying to deepen the contact. Spencer gave a throaty chuckle and pulled back. Ashley was aware of Kyla clapping and squealing in the background, but the only thought running through her mind was that her wife was the best kisser she’d ever known.

Kyla rushed up to hug them both and Ashley complied in a daze. They were ushered to pose for more photographs, then they had to sign the marriage certificate — it went without saying that the brides elected to keep their own names — and that was it. In under ten minutes total, they were done. She was married.

She had married Spencer Carlin.

Spencer was her wife.

As they left the room, Spencer reached down and threaded their fingers together. Strangely, it felt right. She knew it was all part of their act, but it still felt like the right thing to do.

They walked back down the long corridor past all the couples who were waiting for their number to show up on the wall-mounted screens. A young, gay man wearing a natty fedora and a pinstripe suit caught Ashley’s eye and gave her a wink and a thumbs-up gesture. She nodded back at him.

It was only when they got outside that Spencer unlinked their hands and broke the silence between them.

“So, how do we do this?”

Ashley stared at her. “Do what?”

“Well, do you want to share a taxi? Your place is on the way to mine, so I can drop you off.” She lowered her voice. “Even given the circumstances, I think it would feel weird to take separate taxis away from our wedding.”

“I rented a hotel room,” Ashley admitted. “A suite. At the Plaza.”

“You rented a suite? Why!” Spencer looked confused and then displeased. “Oh my God. You don’t actually think that we’re going to —”

“No! No, no, no!” The idea of consummating the marriage had never actually occurred to her. She wasn’t so hard up for female companionship that she needed to consider sex with someone she actively disliked, even if that person was her wife. She was, however, somewhat affronted that Spencer’s tone seemed to imply that the very notion was abhorrent. “I just thought that it would look more real if we had a honeymoon of sorts booked. And I kinda thought it might be nice if we all had a meal together. You know, to kinda mark the fact that we just got married. Plus, we do need to discuss some things.”


“Well, stuff like how long we need to stay married to satisfy both of our legal positions and who’s going to pick up the wedding photographs.”

Spencer’s face softened. “Oh, I hadn’t even thought about that.”

“Ashley didn’t either,” Kyla interjected. “That’s why she has me — to remind her of the little details in life.”

“Are you coming, too?” Spencer asked.

Kyla laughed. “I’m sure they’re very broad-minded at the Plaza, but most couples don’t bring a spare girl along on their wedding night. I think it might raise a few eyebrows.”


“Don’t be stupid, Ky,” Ashley scoffed as she looked sideways at her wife. Spencer looked most becoming when she blushed. “It’s not like the three of us have to turn up at the front desk together. We’re checked in already and you’ve got the keycard. Besides, aren’t you the one who just pointed out that you’re better at organisational details than me?”

She looked up and down the street. People were pointing and staring at them. That was normal, she supposed, for any newly married couple standing on a street corner in their wedding finery. When it was two attractive women and gay marriage was still very much a novelty in the state, it made them doubly noteworthy. She stepped to the kerb, placed her fingers in her mouth and gave a piercing whistle. Spencer gawped open-mouthed at her.

“I have many talents you’re not aware of,” Ashley quipped, as she grabbed the door handle of the taxi that had just pulled up next to them. “Come on, let’s go before we draw any more of a crowd.”

* * *

It didn’t take long for Ashley to recover from the temporary softening of her opinion of Spencer. She castigated herself for letting the pretty packaging distract her. Spencer might be hot and she could definitely deliver a kiss that killed but, damn, if she wasn’t the single most anal and humourless person on the planet.

As far as she was concerned, the whole thing was a no-brainer. She could get someone at her office to pick up the wedding photographs for them and she could post Spencer’s copies to her. Divorce via lawyers could follow in about a year or so. They could both live happily and separately ever after, never having to see each other again.

She’d only used the fact that they needed to agree the minor details as an excuse to invite Spencer back to her suite. She had thought — wrongly, as it turned out — that Spencer might actually be grateful and appreciative of her gesture. She had thought that it might make Spencer think more highly of her. She had hoped that a nice meal together in a high-end joint like the Plaza might give them both something good to remember when they looked back on the occasion. She was starting to wonder why she’d even cared.

Spencer had ignored her almost completely and had launched into an hour-long discussion with Kyla of her own legal issues. Ashley had got so bored that she got up and just wandered off. She investigated the wedding package the hotel had delivered to the room and poured a glass of champagne (not the best stuff, but a pretty decent bottle). No-one else wanted a drink. Spencer seemed irritated that she’d even suggested it.

“Are we keeping you from something more important?”

She turned from her position at the window and looked at her wife. Spencer’s irritation was evident in both her tone and rigid body language.

“No, I think I already did the big, important favour I had to do today.” She tipped her glass in sarcastic tribute.

“Don’t act like you’re making some sacrifice here. You’re getting something out of it too, you know. What was it you said? A ‘few million good reasons’ of your own, wasn’t it?”

“Two hundred and sixty, actually,” she admitted. “Or probably more like a hundred by the time I give Kyla her half and lawyers and the government and everyone else takes their share.” She sauntered back over to where Kyla and Spencer were sitting. “But I wasn’t in any rush. I could have waited and got someone else to marry me. Someone who, you know, actually wanted to. There’s no one-way flight out of the country hanging over my head.” She knew that it was a low blow, but she really resented the way Spencer continued to treat her like she was beneath her.

“Ash!” Kyla warned.

“No, your sister’s right,” Spencer said to Kyla. “I needed this a lot more than she did and I was stupid to think that she might care enough to take my problems seriously when there’s obviously something much more important happening down on 58th Street that needs her attention.” Classic passive-aggressive come-back.

“Look, I get that this is important. I really do. I was the one standing next to you, taking those vows. But there’s not much to discuss here. I will take responsibility for getting the wedding photographs to you by the end of the week and we’ll exchange mobile numbers so we can get in touch with each other, if needs be. Okay?”

“And you’ll stop by my lawyer’s next week?”

“Um, why would I do that?”

“Because it’ll strengthen my case if you also apply for a spousal visa, even though they’ll turn it down. There will be papers you have to sign.”

Ashley scowled at her sister, who was looking away from her, a clear sign that she had been aware of this and had elected not to share that fact. She shrugged to herself mentally.

“Yeah. I can do that.” It wasn’t worth fighting with either Spencer or Kyla. As it was obvious that no-one was going to be having a good time, the best she could hope for was to get everything over quickly so she could have the suite to herself and investigate the potential for finishing the wedding champagne and then drinking the minibar dry. She heard herself ask, “Would it be better if we went together?” She was as shocked by saying it as Spencer looked at hearing it.

“Um, yeah, actually. That would be great.”

“Fine. Why don’t we pick a day next week when we can meet with your lawyer? We could even go and pick up the wedding pictures first.” Now what was she saying? She was making arrangements to spend what would work out as the best part of a day with Spencer? She wished that there was a way to stop herself from talking and take that whole last speech back because Kyla and Spencer were looking at her like she was insane.

“You don’t have to do all that. Just going to my lawyer’s office with me to file the marriage certificate and sign off on the other papers would be great, if you’re sure you can spare the time.”

“Okay. Whatever you think is best.”

“Right, well, is there a phone in the other room?” Spencer pointed towards the suite’s bedroom.


“Then I’ll call and get something set up for later next week. Is there any time that’s not good for you?”

“I’m my own boss, so I can make any time you like.”

“Great.” Spencer was uncertain, as if waiting Ashley to say ‘psych’ or something, but headed off to the bedroom anyway.

“What the hell was that?” Kyla hissed as soon as the blonde was out of earshot.

“Me being nice?”

“Are you shitting me?”

“No! Why would you even ask?”

“Because one minute you’re all ‘fuck off’ and the next minute you’re bending over backwards to help her.”

“Maybe I just don’t want to fight with my wife on my wedding day.”

“No, really. What’s the deal?”

“I’m being serious. I’m the one who booked this place because I thought it might be kinda nice if we could, you know, maybe get along for once, being our wedding day and all. So, no, I don’t want to fight with her today. It seems wrong. So I’m backing down, giving in, whatever.”

“Wow.” Kyla shook her head. “Look at my sister, being all grown up.” A thought obviously occurred to her and she started to chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”


“Come on, share the joke.”

Kyla glanced towards the bedroom door and then grinned at Ashley. “So, this lawyer thing, will this be your first date with your wife?”

“I hate you.”

* * * * *

Next up: Chapter 2 [U]


  1. chelle5432
    Posted 28 March 2012 at 10.16pm | Permalink

    Wooooooooooooot! A new Dev fic! Fantastic!

    And a bickering Spashley too?! Nice one!

    I loved how stunned Ashley was with the kiss.

    Now, I want more!

  2. spikkels
    Posted 28 March 2012 at 10.59pm | Permalink

    Ooohh!!! Love new fics and this has a different twist!! I’m already intrigued…. Thanks for never dissapointing. :-D

  3. Posted 29 March 2012 at 12.31am | Permalink

    These fics never cease to amaze me. I’m hooked already! Thanks for blessing us all with a new one :)

  4. Lyn
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 4.57am | Permalink

    More more more more more more more!!!
    Oh, did I mention I kinda liked it?

  5. claradeg
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 5.08am | Permalink

    Woohoo! New Dev fic! Lol, iPad tried to autocorrect that to Dev fix… Now that I think about it… That works too ;-) thank Dev! Can’t wait to see where this one goes! (okay, i have a good idea where it’s going, but can’t wait to see how they get there!) And a Canadian Spencer! We Canucks are honored!

  6. tee452
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 5.49am | Permalink

    Thanks for making time, Dev. You rock.

  7. Posted 29 March 2012 at 1.05pm | Permalink

    Been looking for something new to read so thanks for this. It’s different and I love it so far. Yay!!

  8. iocaste
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 1.50pm | Permalink

    I second Tee. Also thank you for having the inspiration to still write beautiful spashley stories. We appreciate it!

  9. tuesboomer
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 4.46pm | Permalink

    Ohhhh….this one’s going to be fun.

  10. Mel
    Posted 29 March 2012 at 10.14pm | Permalink

    Ooooh Ashley will remember that kiss…

    I can’t wait to see what happens. Thanks for posting, Dev :)

  11. yeahbutno
    Posted 30 March 2012 at 12.12am | Permalink

    yes, yes and more yes!!!

    great start to a fic, Dev. I need more! purlease

    I have a gulty pleasure for “Green Card” despite the inclusion of the wooden Andie McD, cannot stand her, would have been a brilliant movie with a better actress * coughs * Diane Lane. I have had many a drunken conversation with friends at how under-rated a movie it is.

    So, I wonder what Spencer’s thoughts are about Ms Davies hhhhmmmnnnnn?????? I always love your Ashley characterisations.

    PS I got a * cuff * around the earhole for making an unthoughtful comment at my marriage about just wanting a Swedish passport as “nobody bothers kidnapping them” It didn’t help that half her family are Polish, and want one too and the Swedish lot have a weird idea about my job. My missus has never bothered to really explain it and just says ” it’s kinda complicated and hush hush”

  12. yeahbutno
    Posted 30 March 2012 at 12.18am | Permalink

    PPS I need to ask you about this new ebook thingie and what I need to do….or get the missus to do.

    Now she is all sprightly and all she is trying to teach me abouth my Kindle thingie, she has more chance with the wee one to get a download!!!!!

  13. SONiluv
    Posted 31 March 2012 at 4.28am | Permalink

    I <3 this … n if I won the 640 million$$ mega millions lottery …I'd pay you to keep writing :)

  14. Posted 31 March 2012 at 1.04pm | Permalink

    You’ve never failed to wow me. This one definitely intrigues me. Love it.

  15. dev0347
    Posted 1 April 2012 at 7.04pm | Permalink

    Thank you all v. much for lovely comments. They are incredibly appreciated.

    * * *

    Yeebs, I am loving your idea of recasting Green Card with Diane Lane. To my mind, the vast majority of films (and TV) would only be improved by recasting with Diane Lane. And just to remind us what we’re talking about, here’s a gratuitous shot of Diane Lane: http://cl.ly/FUfg

    [Have I said Diane Lane enough yet? Diane Lane.]

    The best way to transfer the eBooks to your Kindle for free is to save the files to your hard drive and transfer via the micro-USB cable provided [Amazon UK explanation: http://cl.ly/FUQG ] You can email to your Kindle, but Amazon charge you for that which, frankly, is a fucking con.

    Hope you, wife and baby are all doing well xoxo

  16. cbrammer
    Posted 1 April 2012 at 7.16pm | Permalink

    Very excited about this new fic! Great start!

  17. 2bz2breading
    Posted 2 April 2012 at 4.53am | Permalink

    Loved it.

  18. yula
    Posted 2 April 2012 at 12.43pm | Permalink

    New fic?:O get out of hear!XD Thank you dev..you never disappoint us with your stories!

  19. yeahbutno
    Posted 4 April 2012 at 2.17am | Permalink

    Give me another chapter for Diane Lane? and add Lena Olin?

    the missus has me up to speed with that Kindle thingie now, so ta, got it now.

    but….. can I get more?

  20. dev0347
    Posted 4 April 2012 at 2.48pm | Permalink

    This weekend. I promise.

  21. Posted 6 April 2012 at 10.48pm | Permalink

    Great story :-D cant wait to read more x

  22. yeahbutno
    Posted 7 April 2012 at 12.15am | Permalink

    * at an arm’s length hugs Dev * thank you

    and * chuckles *

    me and the missus make whole games out of recasting filums!!!!

    she also got me on a shag, marry and chuck the other day with Lane ^^^^^^ Binoche and Sherilyn Fenn! see who knows her and what for!!!!!!!! ( we are just Netflixing that show though) and of a certain time!

    * waits update *

  23. yeahbutno
    Posted 7 April 2012 at 1.19am | Permalink

    and by the way the sprog is a-ok, looking at me funny !

    she should be looking funny, after what I just cleaned up!!


  24. peanut
    Posted 7 April 2012 at 12.29pm | Permalink

    Because I love you and your writing, dev, I share the nerdiest grammar joke I heard this month, to show my appreciation:

    The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.
    It was tense.

    Yes, it still cracks me up. No, I don’t care what anyone else might think.

    Looking forward to the next chapter!

  25. Amanda
    Posted 30 June 2013 at 6.22am | Permalink

    Hehehe I cant stop laughing over peanut’s joke. I love nerd humour. I’d never read the comments for this chapter before even though this story was awesome.

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